


another year

by butter_scotch_dreams



Series: poetry [2]
Category: Original Work, Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Flowers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Metaphors, Poetry, imposter syndrome, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:13:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24314848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butter_scotch_dreams/pseuds/butter_scotch_dreams
Summary: 2020 poetry—DISCONTINUED—discontinuing for future litmag submissions!!
Series: poetry [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755343
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1
Collections: Poetry





	1. downfall of a gifted kid (and)

you watch the numbers of your grades tick down and   
wonder if they'll reach zero someday and   
the holes in your skin are patched with skirts to the mid-calf and the taste of new england summer heat and   
it feels good to toss full notebooks of scribbled numbers and drawings of your own thighs into the trash bin and   
it is almost full of old birthday cards and papers and the electronic remains of some toy you dismantled and   
you don't have a soldering iron because your parents would never trust you with one these days and   
you dont want a real one anyways because the last time you tried to solder you couldnt hold a pencil for days and   
so you use the lighter that sits next to your candles to try and pull wire from circuit board and   
it was never meant to be used for sodering which is why you fail and   
now the remains of the project sit next to records of your elementary school poems and   
the documentation of your reading speed decline and   
you wish your medals were there too but you could never throw them out and   
you just want to scrub your mind clean of gifted kid and   
talented youth and   
the way the world seems to see a girl in stem and   
you are not even a girl and   
you are definitely not a girl in stem because science and math have never held you close and  
told you that you dont deserve to die the way words have and   
you think about the way you are a glutton for the thrill of praise and   
the adrenaline of winning and   
wonder if maybe one more try will bring back the top score in the class and   
by the cover of darkness you clear your search history of imposter syndrome and   
think about the empty aching of your chest and  
the way your heart thuds against your ribcage and   
of the logic because for once you want to feel instead of think and   
you wonder when the sting of questions will finally leave you be and   
do you want to end up at mass art and   
he quit wrestling and couldnt even get into amherst and   
youll end up working at costco and   
you need to try harder and   
the way your dad asks why you no longer want to go to mit hurt you to your core and   
you think of the way you were a child of stars and sea salt and   
wish to be someone else again.


	2. formulas for a circle

the circumference of a dying man's breath is  
measured in seconds and  
the number of flower petals that fall  
in the distance between the crook  
of your elbow and the last beat of air in his lungs and  
the thin space between his ribs and arteries and skin.


End file.
